20070404
Written on Wednesday, April 04, 2007 by peacefreezer-pik yee
今天一大早原定我们这组自己练习MUET speaking的...可是后来大家谈谈下就扯到了我们班的老师...原来大家都不太懂玉丽姐的数学在讲什么...建翰哥的paper1教的很快...盈盈姐的physical chem其实不太好，容易给我们弄乱...可是很有心教书...pa2颜秀珠的音调平平，音量太大...etc...课业的事情...
没有人知道正在整理笔记的我...心都沉了...太多东西，概念我还是搞不清...弄不懂...太多以前学了的东西我怎么都回想不起来，想失忆一样...全都要重新来过，完全没有印象...补习的时间往往跟正课相冲...时间都不对...只有星期六，可是我不可能连续non stop的补啊...weekdays晚上，隔天还要上课...而且回到家已经很迟了...暗地里，自己开始抓狂了...开始有点急躁，排笔记时都有点不耐烦了...
后来，我借故走出了课室(丢一丢垃圾)...站在走廊，看着天空，天还是很蓝...周围一片寂静(因为全世界，除了我班外都在进行小考)...我有点想哭得感觉...可是始终把它压了下来...很想开口跟神说话,告诉一切...很想在他面前哭泣...可是，我怎么都说不出口...只觉得很弱...结果什么都没说，又走回去了...我就是这种人...压抑情绪的人...如果可以的话，其实我还真想找个地方大喊大叫...可是...就是没有...很想开口祷告...一件我不再常做的事...往往都是实在太太太忍不住...或是被指名去做时才逼出来的事...可是即使开口都是有气无力...气若浮虚的...有时自己都听不见自己的声音...
对於学业...我其实开始有许多想法，想到自己可做的事，可是可能太懒了...根本没做到...加上之前的笔记之前没排好，东一张，西一张的，看到都烦...习题才开始作就不断碰壁，看了都“显”...怎么做得下去？烦啊！！怎办？
明天清明节假期...我有办发理清所有的纸张，笔记吗？真是“纸劫”啊....
22:45
此刻的我有点有点难过...刚获知其中一位朋友要离开了...虽然早已知道她会到新加坡的polytechnic念护士课程...可是并不晓得她酱快要走了...四月10日....大概一星期吧...我们是在高一认识的...说起来，跟她并不算太熟太熟...尤其因为去年不同班...可是大家也一起玩过，一起分忧过...一起开心过...虽然时间久了...有点不太熟了...可是真的有不舍的感觉...刚知道我也吓了跳...怎么那么快？但人各有志...你就勇敢的飞出去吧...在此祝你前程无量(虽老套了点)，一路顺风...我们会很想念很想念你的...莉恩
23.17
after looking at those photo....suddenly upset...emotional creature...feel like alone n lonely....theres a gap day by day btw me n my old frens in 2ndary last time...i felt that the gap is clearer n clearer...deeper n deeper...sumtimes i'm not with em in their meeting....firstly may b it's coz by my scheldule in sch....2ndly may b is caused by usually i'm not able to attend due to i cant get d permission from my father....><...that was not the thing i wan...how i wish i cud go out like with my frens...my wish since form 1...but year after year....dissappointment followed me...it juz bcum impossible for me.....later....i started to bcum not willing to fight for the permission...i think i was "numb" since i'm so used to the ans"NO"... sumtimes i really irritated...dunno wat to do....i knew that he cares for us a lot....but sumtimes i really cant stand w his ways....LONELY.....I'm....i've nobody.....day by day....really feeling lonely...who shalli talk to?i had never ever share my feelings to a fren(usually)....to my fren in sch....sorry coz sum part of it....u may not able to help me....so i din tell....but i'm sumone who used to "hide" myself.....sumtimes even myself personally ,i dunno watz happening....for u who r looking at me...both frens n relative...i really nid sum commemnts....i dun really understand myself....but i really hope that u all will give me sum commemnt and act as my mirror to reflect myself to me....mayb ur words might not correct fully...but at least i hv sum reference.....how i hope so....but den again....it is hard....for everywhere that i go...i'm in a rush...not much time for me to talk....sumtimes...i keep silence n not to talk coz i reall dunno what to talk...wat topic to start....actually to keep quiet is sumthing very hard....how i wish the ffrens around me wil start a topic...haiz....被动is that bad...u might as me....y din i poured out everything deep in my heart?sumtimes...wen i got the "feeling"....everyone seems like very busy...or wen everyone looks happy...u wan me to showed the face of ....?dunno wat to do....den i'm that kind of used to逃避... persueing myself....pretend like nth is happening.... wen it burst out....actually everthing was not solved...............h..a..i...z...
