Written on Monday, April 30, 2007 by peacefreezer-pik yee
最近，发现自己好像变了。跟以前的我似乎不一样了。不知道你可有察觉到。这可不是我自己凭空想象或是胡思乱想的。我试过问了一些朋友，他们都有察觉到我的改变。改变的原因自己都不清楚。
记得去年有个朋友，嘉仪。他跟我说，你好像变了eh。“以前初中时，你和思静她们都很“搏”的，考试前拼命读...现在好像没有以前那么“搏”eh”.而我其实也有发现到...近期的我，好像真的很颓废(除了外表没有太过于邋遢罢了)。对於很多事情，总提不起劲。而且最近还学到了“很会放弃”怎么说？就对於很多东西都无法坚持下去，也不会真的尽心去完成。很快就打退堂鼓。好像考试前，读书读不完了，干脆放弃不读。说的话有时就象“泼冷水”，别人兴致勃勃，雄心勃勃，我就去倒冷水...还蛮负面的。
我前几天就问了另一个朋友“你有没有觉得我最近很容易放弃一件事情？”“有...以前我记得你初一时很“搏”的。还有一些就不说了。两个大同小异的答案似乎告诉了我些什么...我真的变了？
明天就是5月了~那天在中华国中看见的STPM倒数牌...当时距离STPM的日子只剩200天，今天，20070430就只剩198天。若我继续这样下去，接下来的我会怎样，不用多说大家都知道了...
-updated~20070501 01.00am
刚刚在TIME SQUARE可以讲是被爸爸训了顿。你所说的你以为我不知道吗？年头就懂了。我只说了2，3句...你就一大堆大道理。谁不知道啊？我只想找个人听听我发牢骚，而不是一连串的训话...我只想找个地方一个人静静。不可以吗？只说了2，3句，你就以“享乐主意”定夺...可以不要每次都说“不知你参到谁，照理没有酱的环境影响到你”。人的脑想到的东西一定是从朋友来的吗？干嘛每次赖到朋友头上？整正真的很好很好的朋友有几人？！！为什么每次就是酱难跟你沟通？我讲一句，你顶几句？我的存在意义是什么？读书的机器？什么都不会就成功？我也知道这是学生的责任，可是...人生的目的在於什么？
现在的孩子，少年都是这样的吗？看过一张关于亲自组族的传单，写着的“孩子心声”和“家长感想”怎么跟我们总是不谋而合？父母们，你们不是年轻过，当过别人的子女吗？为什么有时候孩子的心情，你们就是拿捏不到？孩子啊？为什么你也迁就不到？你们有时可以不要一直叫我们应该做这个，应该做那个吗？我们知道...每次往往提起劲时，却因为你们的“应该做这个，应该做那个”善意的提醒而把我们的势气从高峰打到低谷...至少我就是酱的人
Written on Monday, April 30, 2007 by peacefreezer-pik yee
这两天，经历的还真不少：
20070428--MUET
一大早，就搭瀛艺的顺风车到我们的考试地点--中华国中。发现他们的学校很不错嘛。以往校刊永远都只是排它的一个角度，一个角落的照片。自此，亲自到那里去，感觉果然很不一样！有种亲切的感觉，或许真是“中华一家亲” 吧，又或许是到处都可看见华文方块字的缘故吧！没想到，他们的通告还有华文字。对！这是一间国民型中学！比起很多国中，它的设备算是很齐全，很好的啦~广播器还有插头！班上有可以放PROJECTOR和SCREEN的架子。还有还有很特别的公共考试电子倒数牌！！我们学校都没有噢！之前我到过的国中有更烂，更旧，更难看的。它的厕所也不错嘛…开始觉得很喜欢这里的环境，这间学校。
考试时间就到了，到考场去了。发现有两位私人考生和我们在同一个考场考试！他们两位应该是我们班上alphabetical order排在最前的两位考生的组员吧！刚开始，我还以为其中一位女的是考官！我还很好奇，为什么考官要坐下来，还要准备笔的？回过神来，才知道那是怎么一回事。等一下！！我们最后两位的组员呢？我和家维的后面并没有任何考生了！那我们speaking的组员是谁？难不成真的2人一组？还是3人一组？
Reading comprehension,paper3开始了。原本还不错的，可是做完了第一篇passage，要开始第二篇时，开始觉得有点“显” 了。什么嘛？怎么那么多，那么长，有读不下去的感觉。结果从第二篇开始，就每篇都读一半，答一半，然后就跳去下一篇，有点心不在焉，一直连续到结束。最糟糕是那篇讲INDIA的，“显” 到~又难！到考试结束了，甚至是现在我都不明白它在讲什么。原本我还有打算年尾重考的，可是一做到这里，念头动摇了！我不想重考了！真的难熬！希望拿到自己要的成绩！
Writing part(compo+summary) 真的有点点…简单，可以用两个字表达--做不完！哎！伤心！我的summary，真的很难找point，不是讲笑！那些POINT看来看去都好像差不多一样，很难取舍！结果，时间不知不觉到了！字数，我知道有超过了！超多少也不知道！来不及算！只能在最后死命删字！真的不知怎办！compo,the title is about “do u agree to give firearms training to NS trainee?” 我真的想了很久，赞成还是反对？反对似乎蛮多东西可以写，可是最后却写了赞成！我没时间理语法了，就这样一直写，一直写,elaborate也不多~其实，写完后，我真的不知自己写了什么，觉得并不好，却没有时间修改，理会了！因为还有篇难搞的summary.paper2啊~wat score can I get from u?
Listening part. Paper1轻松少少的PAPER，可是有点担心自己会听漏。有一题我是真的不太确定，后来用点点LOGIC来猜答案。后来跟朋友对答案，这张有机会拿满分15分的，希望梦想不会破灭啦。
考完了！！跟瀛艺和舒华一起搭RAPID KL回家。感觉上，经过改革的巴士系统会比以前好！希望如此，否则大家就受苦了。
20070428--眼镜
上星期配的眼镜，戴了3天后，感觉怪怪的！怀疑有点问题，今天就回去SG WANG眼镜店看看怎样。奇怪，再次验眼睛时，发现度数没有错啊~这副眼镜，看到板上的字啊！可是为什么，戴上去还是觉得怪怪的？最后发现！验光师说我先前那副眼镜有问题，FOCUS POINT不对了，它的FOCUS POINT向内了！而我的眼睛也因为习惯了那副眼镜而不能适应新眼镜！换句话说，我的眼睛为了配合旧的眼镜，MUSCLE自动调到跟眼镜一样，现在有点偏向里面。现在配上了对的FOCUS POINT的眼镜，就会不习惯。所以为了眼睛着想，要它调回来，现在就要重新适应眼镜，否则对眼睛不好。他的话准确性有多少，我不知道，姑且试一段日子吧。希望他所说的是正确的。
20070429--MALAY MAIL BIG WALK
为了拿到更好的课外活动分数，今天我们先修班都参加了竞走。以前，在路旁看见别人走，有时我有想过，这些人是不是傻的！无事找事做！结果，这次的傻瓜就是我！起初真的有少少担心~10KM，而且一定要在2小时内完成才有CERT 拿！路途是从DATARAN MERDEKA>JLN DUTA>;TMN DUTA>JLN LANGGAK>BANK NEGARA>PADANG MERBOK。大概是这样。
刚开始，大家还一起走，还蛮轻松的~大概40分钟那样就到了JLN DUTA附近。我们的队伍，人越来越少了，剩下微晓，雪荔，诗晴和我。后来，诗晴不见了~抱歉。我的脚好像AUTOMATIC酱，不用我控制，自己大步大步的走了。到了TMN DUTA真的开始有点累了，只能把前面的朋友当目标，逼自己坚持走完~喝了些水，好像精神了点点。脚始终没有停过~后来，微晓也不见了。雪荔似乎越来越快，只能把她当成目标。后来总算赶上了！一起走。路途似乎很遥远，可是还好，不会太喘。偶尔还会越走越精神，或许是我们每个星期打球几小时的功劳吧！一路上，不少人半路开始用跑的，被捉到的，有些会很惨的被工作人员狠狠的问话，幸运的就只是接到警告。似乎能体会到以前以前那些古人人长途跋涉，翻山越岭去寻亲和探访人的感觉。
走过了一个不知名的马路，啊！看到MEMORIAL TUNKU ABDUL RAHMAN 了！SOGO！BANK NEGARA！我们要到了！要到了！再加快脚步。雪荔还说原本他爸爸要放他在BANK NEGARA，等她从那里走到PADANG MERBOK好了~哈哈！太棒了！我们大概用了1小时50分钟从起点走到终点！完成10KM！！因为人多，稍微停了下来，开始觉得腿有点软的感觉。终点就在草场另一端，要走过草场拿文凭~可是！！！到处都是烂泥！！我的鞋子就这样陪着我陷入泥中~脏透了！！！！太脏了！！好不容易！文凭终於拿到手了！！任务完成！！难相信，10KM的路程就这样在我脚下，被我征服了！而且比大会定下的QUALIFYING TIME早了约10分钟！有点开心^^
班上部分男生早已完成了^^后来，我走了，听说大家都顺利回来，而且都拿到文凭，总算皆大欢喜，不枉此行了。话说回来，我倒是钦佩那些参加20KM NATIONAL组的参赛者！他们可是真的用标准的走法参赛，而且路程比我们多一倍！路上，遇见这组的参赛者，大多都从头湿到脚，个个“闪闪发光”,shinny shinny的~我还看到其中一个，一下字就超越了5，6，7个人，一下就不见人影了！劲！
赛后，才发现左脚的一个脚趾有点疼，大概是弄伤了吧~回家，发现原来是瘀掉了~这次，或许真的是每星期打球的关系，到现在晚上11时了，大腿肌肉都暂时没有疼痛的感觉。只是脚板，脚趾，或许是鞋子的关系有少少痛罢了。明天还是过后就不知道啦~总的来说，这是我个人空前绝后的创举，往后很可能我不会再像这样徒步走10KM的啦！感觉还不错啦~
其实，今天还有试着赶场，可是后来还是差一点点~有少少失落~可是应该也好吧~应该休息一下
Written on Thursday, April 26, 2007 by peacefreezer-pik yee
it is my tuition day today^^.luckily,i made it to the end.i should be proud of myself haha~today PA class is extremely crowded.actually,it is a replacement class for us,the saturday class student due to the MuET test.but,who cares,since today is the public holiday for all sch...besides saturday student,friday class or even thursday class student came for the class.the class starts on 12.30pm,however,i cannot even find a seat when i reached bout 11.44am.Luckily,my fren had arrived earlier than us,only then,we got the place.according to him,he said he arrived b4 the tuition centre open,but the ppl who is queing up are many...huh....
MUET is only bout 33hours from now,however,i really dunno wat can i do n wat shall i prepare for it.i tried to do sum comprehention question...i was addicted by the surrounding...TV,PC...i cant really sit down and concentrate with my work.MUET....i keep on glazing at it...try to do...erm...well,i juz can say that,it's too much,it's a miracle n i wont think i'm able to finish em.sum of the students try to look for the hot topic n the tips for the essay.hmmm....however,do u think it really works?personally,i dun think so la....there r millions of questions possible to cum out....how to spot?eventhough u r lucky to do so....can we sure that we r capable to express it in a correct way?hmmm....general knowledge is a long time work...it has to be accumulated day by day....and we....are really lack of it...at least i'm one of em,as wat our teacher said,we r juz scratching the sand...i knew my problem,but it is not a short term work...
I dun really hv confident in MuET right now...as I hv not really put my effort in it.Furthermore,I found that my standard of english is sliding....I am sumone who seldom read n seldom write...wat i hv done so far is juz keep on posting blog...but,wat i hv typed was not proper eng....grammatical errors can be found easily....sumtimes really feel a bit ashamed of myself to post blogs in eng...if it is not more convinient to type in eng sumtimes,i think i will never ever post it in eng....wahaha
i had a dream to get band5 for it....but my effort is not enough...I'm not really serious for it...this I know....therefore,i dun really hv confident for it...the same situation for my other subjects...hmmm...I shall balanced my life n my emotion asap...for without our knowing,time swifted fast....unknowingly,it is MAY ady....
MUET,a subject that i had not really put my effort on....somehow,i still hope to get a good results...
now,23.45...i feel to give up...however,my frens still insist to struggle for the last time....shall I follow their steps and continue my battle till the end?or juz...simply giv myself a break...without doing anything?should i continue or juz stop all the effort right now?
Written on Thursday, April 26, 2007 by peacefreezer-pik yee
~HAPPY BIRTHDAY SKY.miss u so much~hv u change ur hp number?i wonder why my msg cant be sent to u.if so,pls leave me your contact.anyway...keep on ur smile and laugh and all the best in ur life~
it's a tiring day...MUET is around the corner,or i should say that it is only 2days left for it...and we r considered as burning midnight oil these days...looking for compo topics...although we know that it doesnt really work much...language is not a "one day job",a castle cant b built in one day...however,we hv no other choices...
so tired these days,esp for my eyes...i cant believe that yesterday,i slept from7sth at the evening to bout 12am at the midnight,yet i still can sleep from 1am to 6am,after reach the sch,fall asleep again from 6.40to7.40am...it's....INCRIDIBLE...however,my eyes really tired...it might be caused my new specs...maybe it doesnt fit me....esp my left eye.i remembered that while i was in form4,i hv to go to see a eyes specialists because the optometrist cant cant the readings of my eyes...the doctor dianogsed that the nerves of my eyes r a bit weak...mayb due to the specs with wrong readings.Initially,i have to go back to the optometrist today for another eye check.however,it rained cats and dogs...the water just like being poured from the heaven to the earth.therefore it had to be postponed to this saturday,after my MUET test.tmr,i think it's another tiring day eventhough it is a public holiday for government sector and the sch...yet,i hv to attend for the replacement tuition classes from 12.30to 4.10pm.classes were cancelled due to the MUET test which is held on the coming saturday...
short of time...after MUET day,there is the Malay Mail big walk for the following day....I'm a bit curious.am i capable to finish the 10km distance journey within 1hour n 40min?frankly,i do not really willing to go due to a lot of troublesomes....transportation is a good reason for me...however,it is quite important for us to get a cert,as a representative of our sch to participate.nevertheless,cert is only distributed to those who is able to finish the journey within the qualifying time...
as conclusion,it's a tiring week
~HAPPY BIRTHDAY SKY.miss u so much~hv u change ur hp number?i wonder why my msg cant be sent to u.if so,pls leave me your contact.anyway...keep on ur smile and laugh and all the best in ur life~
Written on Sunday, April 22, 2007 by peacefreezer-pik yee
PART1~I’ll be alright!!
一大清早，坦白讲有点不情愿起来，况且昨晚很迟睡...走出客厅，发现妈妈正翻录着别人借给她的信息...一段话吸引了我的注意力...内容大概是提到有些基督徒以为祷告后就能马上看到成效，被圣灵充满，有神迹跟着他...没有感觉到就想放弃...大概是酱吧，实际的内容，我不太记得了...可是吸引了我一些些,感觉有点像我eh...付出代价，坚持到底....
原本真的不甘愿，很想"ponteng"的我不知怎的赶紧去准备了tim....(-.-!!!!)、赞美敬拜，突然有种感觉“神，我不跟你扯了，不想跟你玩对抗了”口终於开了，当然还有点点...可是，坦白讲，我不太有把握能把这个关系弄好，真的没有把握...不知道会不会有哪天，老毛病会重犯...不太有把握如何维系下去...希望能想今天早上的卡带和今天的信息~忍耐一样，能够坚持到底...不管是跟祢的关系上，还是课业上...很希望找回以前单纯的信心和心态...
发现周围的人好像都有点担心我...如果是你的话，真的很抱歉...让你们忧心了~我没有把握我能做得好，但我会尽力去尝试...我要复原，重新站起来！我要摆脱现在的一切！我不要再沉沦下去...我希望这场仗，我可以打赢...
神，对祢，我抱歉，我知道现在的我对祢超陌生的...我自己真的没有信心，也不知道要如何建立起这个关系...我也不知何年何月何日会有个全新的突破...享受在你的里面，享受着祷告...真的真的完全没有把握...但我希望仅存的小小小小的信心能让我坚持...可以的话，请让环境，人等教我如何去做，如何建立...
反正！我要咬紧牙根闯下去...erm... 这段时间内，身边总有人会告诉我，我行的，可都被我一一否决...erm,我想，我应该收回一切对自己的否定...希望你们所说的是对的。我想我也该给自己一个机会...erm,i think i can...
PART2~Love?
最近发现身边相近年龄的朋友似乎越来越多人的生命中多了中元素..."爱情"...哈哈~有些是单恋，暗恋，失恋，一见钟情的都有...有些就成功了啦，享受着热恋...erm....班上也有些例子啦...有些搞得有点"失心疯"的感觉...blog内也读到好几个人的心里话啦...看来，大家都成长了,不少人都好像都有了特定的目标...还有一些就打定了“单身贵族”的主意，可是现在未免早了点点吧...说不定哪天，他们是先走进红地毯的...哈哈！世事难料...而我？erm...讲完全没想过，你打死都不信吧...可是....er...怎么说呢...erm,目标倒真的没有...作为人家的目标？我想也没有吧...哈哈~或许真的还不是我的时间吧，还没有遇上酱的人....也或许真的我还未到这种境界，想到这点...erm,这个嘛，暂时搁到一边吧...该来的到了它的时间自然会来吧...到了时间，如果有的话，祢应该会准备的吧？哈哈~有点远的感觉...虽然好像不太远，可是还是远嘛...什么话？反正随缘罗...
PART3 Project superstar
男女冠军诞生了...恭喜啦...男生：Henley；女生：Orange
对於男生的成绩真的有点错愕...ha?怎么会是你？我不否认这次他的确是比以前好，有进步...可是，他的表现其实不太稳...时好时坏...可是无论如何，祝福他...哈哈
对於女生我蛮满意赛果...orange won!可是，diana,erm,真的有进步！之前，总觉得有块木头在唱歌，可是，后来的这两个礼拜，发现木头似乎不存在了...无论如何，淘汰的两位，虽败犹荣啦...星途应该也无亮吧，特别是WEE...剩余的两位冠军，就加油吧...haha~女生加油！！
哈~其实都不关我事...
Written on Friday, April 20, 2007 by peacefreezer-pik yee
今天是个很轻松的一天，PA老师因为要监考她college的考试，所以没有来...换句话说，今天只上一节数学，我们physics student就多一个experiment罗。大家昨天知道后，早就plan好今天要做什么了...结果，我们从8点多打羽球...男生还跟ah singh老师对打...女生嘛打到9点多先去吃东西，后来到新讲堂看诗晴弹钢琴...看到有点心痒。接着下来，就是羽球下半场了...
终於，找了电脑老师，问问看我电脑休克的情形(不要怀疑，这几个月，我正玩着弟弟的电脑啦)。他说很可能我中了蛮强的病毒，可能是trojan.但详细情形，我星期一要找另一名助理询问。
实验室，今天有个小风波酱...在另一头埋头做实验的我们当然没什么注意到，故事也是听他们重诉的。话说物理实验的某一组，因为某些原因闹得不愉快。今天是个circuit的实验，当然就要接驳电线，电源...话说其中一位组员(叫K好了)接驳后，发现有点不对劲，於是重组。谁知，男主角出现了...K接什么，男主角就拆什么...K於是说了“你将活泼，不如你来操控整个实验好了”...听说，男主角就开始不爽了...另一位看不过眼的组员又跟男主角说：“你酱不爽，就不要做啦”。据说，这让男主角用电线丢向这位组员...据说，男主角还抓着K，跟他说了一句最近这几天很经典的一句话“YOU CAUSED ME TO DO THAT”，walao有没有很经典？后来？男主角在实验室另一头哭罗。他....看报纸太多？惨！大家有点担心他过后会怎样...惹到他了...
其实，男主角，坦白讲一向以来就有点怪里怪气，让人不敢恭维。而据说之前的实验当中，他都喜欢自己一人做完，等他完成后，其他组员想亲自体验实验，再做一轮，他就会觉得其他人怀疑他的准确性。是不是我不太清楚，也是听的。最近，似乎在班上也显得较活跃，大家很不习惯啦...有时还特定的跟随某些人。自然的，大家会对他有所顾忌，有疏远的感觉。我不否认有时我们好像过分少少，有boycote他的成分...可是，大家真的不敢跟他有更深一步的交情...这其实不是新鲜事了，从之前之前甚至是初中就这样了...曾经也有些人“做代表”酱告诉过他，劝他改改态度...可是...
今天，我还听说男主角爱模仿班上同学的小动作。班上有另一位同学有时会作出头撞墙的动作(闹着玩的啦)。可是....他...却会把头撞去柱子...天！！！！！我觉得有点恐怖eh...大家都很怕他会做什么傻事！糟了，他继续这样下去，会闯出什么祸来...多几个月，他就会到邻国了...真的让人担忧...他再这样下去，会很麻烦的..er...god...pls take care of ur son...据说，事件后男主角有向当事人道歉，后来又若无其事的跟大家L熟...可是还是让人不敢恭维...我想，不用我多说，你们早就猜到是谁了...
这件事之前，在数学节，听玉丽姐说，今年的初二慧很有问题，可以完全当老师不存在，还会“诈傻扮懵”...够力！大家都听得口开开！真不敢相信！老师们进了不到几分钟就会走出教室。上一节课有时还要劳动到训导，教务主任齐出动...夸张吧？据说，昨天某位美术老师被他们气得发抖，才上课不到几分钟就抖着走回办公室...而且还大声喊了2次...还好后来他没事了...想必那班家伙一定用某些词汇刺激到了老师(老师的脚有点问题)，这是大家的第一想法，只是大家的猜测，可是应该跟我们的猜测差不远吧...38+8的我们怎会不去见识下...一经过，惨不忍睹...睡的睡，做自己东西的人不少，我们还是第一次见叶茉莉老师教书教得那么大声，大楼的对面都隐隐约约听到他的声音...
今天见识的真不少...希望两起事件的主角们有所改变...
Written on Thursday, April 19, 2007 by peacefreezer-pik yee
nth much special for today...it's a ordinary day.最近，其实应该是从高二下半年开始，我发现自己对“考试”有一定的厌倦感了...开始，不会为考试而改变心跳机率...不会想初中以前的废寝忘食的打拼...记得初中时期，每每年中大考，历史的问答题...我可以先睡片刻，再调好闹钟，大概在凌晨三点爬起来"作战“...可是后来，历史不再了...听到闹钟响了，会自然再调闹钟，迟点吧...迟些了，又会再调迟些...结果，有次，爸爸都问我，干嘛你的闹钟响那么多次？
这不是重点...重点是，我真的对 “考试”厌倦了...虽然知道考试临近，也会好像读不读都无所谓的感觉...及格和不及格都没关系...对“考试”很反感，很抗拒...难道是“中华后遗症”？一听到“考试”就觉得很讨厌，很烦...
可是处在马来西亚，一个填鸭式教育制度的国家...我们根本别无选择，在这种不想干却非干不可的情况下，我可以怎样？有什么办法克服？现在真的需要在病入膏肓前“急救”...有何高见吗？
还有个想法，其实自己好像并不惨啊...可是为何最近好像经常情绪大起打落...常说出，打出酱悲观的东西...有时会觉得自己好像是为了要draw ppl attention，好像想让人担心酱的？有点可怕...连自己都觉得自己深不可测，自己都搞不懂自己在干嘛...在这种情况下，或许大家暂时不要理我好了...可是，我应该真的是迷失自己了吧...“考试厌倦症”也是可以确定的...
Written on Wednesday, April 18, 2007 by peacefreezer-pik yee
为什么？！！我有时真的不知我回来中华是应该还是不应该...为什么酱对我？我就来受不了了...咎由自取？可是未免残酷少少...我真的有倒下的感觉...我不知如何，也不知自己有没有能力撑下去...
要怎么说起？毕竟我没有考统考，高三的课程也只上了一半...高一时多上的东西，虽有不少有关现在stpm form6的课程...可是，老早就不知它到哪里去了...如今，班上上课，老师偶尔会因为“高二，高三以前上过了”酱带过，这我可理解，毕竟我们的课程超赶...有些我真的有点不太明，尤其是化学...怎办我的化学超烂！最死是很多东西似乎进不到脑，就被弹出来...有些高三的，之前没学过...organic chem虽然我去年上完了，可是东西怎么都回想不起来...跟没上过没太大分别。
我们的上课时间...不用讲啦~要补习都难，早放学那天，要补的科目通通在那天没有课...只有星期六...星期六现在补着pa...下个月我还要补lower6的，因为去年tarc佬教的太慢，kertas1的parlimen之类的我没上到，graph也还没学到...SHXT!!想不补都难啦...鬼叫自己蠢！！！！去年不会找来补！！加上，你叫我自己读，恐怕到了考试前一个月才真正会读...倒不如去听，况且这老师不错，至少听了有印象，明白...lower6+upper six就从早上10。30补到2.00pm了...
问题是化学...原本这个月从12.30pm补pa到2.00pm后，就是2.20pm的chem...他还教着physical chem刚要进electrolysis..刚好可以cover我要上的...可是想到下月起，我要补lower6的pa...难道要我从早上10.30am nonstop的补到4.00pm?不用吃？吸收到吗？所以今天就去try另一个老师，打算以后化学补星期三酱...今天先来看看他的进度到哪里...应该不会差太远吧...谁知一拿到他的笔记...什么？！！！怎么差酱远？差整4个chapter!!!已经在organic chem的ALKENE!!!我已经再度跌进谷底，沉了下去...后来想到以前上过该有点点印象吧...可是，事实是，我越听越不安...心再度掉进无底洞...对他所讲的...除了名词熟悉少少，记得曾经见过这个定理的名字外...其他的concept,mechanism,整个反应在讲什么我都忘到完了！！！！stupid!!!我现在真的茫然...不知怎办...为什么星期六那个老师只有星期六的2.20pm的课配合到我的时间？这次我要怎办？我真的不可能连续酱补下去的...即使可以熬过去，成效未必好啊...岂不事倍功半？为什么自己的根基打不稳？为何自己要作出酱的选择？学校的化学老师也因为学校不够老师，帮人顶课顶到压力很大了...她休息时间都没有了...问他应该不是问题，可是太多恐怕他也很辛苦...天时地不利人不和....我只能这样说！！
疯了...曾经想在星期六去放松一下...可是...除了星期天...我根本没有任何时间了...星期天回到家已经两点多三点了...要出去玩恐怕也太迟了...家里，爸爸根本不爱出街！！！即使他肯...也不会放松到哪里去...他通常不爱走，再不然就催你回家...而且，跟他们出....啊！！！！我的时间....
真想大喊大叫，可是根本没有地方...难道在家？在马路？不可能！！！
压着真的很辛苦...顶多只能大力呼气...顶多也只能将它打出来，在部落格发泄...
重点还是这些要怎样解决？？？！！！！！要怎样解决？？？！！！！谁可以帮我？！！！！我的星期六，每天就酱被课业埋没，淹没吗？
there can be miracle when you will believe?
who knows wat miracle you can achieve,when you believe somehow u will?
IS THERE REALLY MIRACLE THAT WILL HAPPEN?
IS THERE ANY MIRACLE FOR ME？
Written on Tuesday, April 17, 2007 by peacefreezer-pik yee
今天如往常般...星期二是我们的badminton day，男生女生都对它情有独中...甚至吸引了老师和助理们，还有校友(离校了的啦)纷纷想加入。当然他们多数是找男生...今天我们女生四人的双打到了另一个境界.照旧是微晓，碧仪(微晓讲是钻石组合wo)VS诗晴，雪荔(微晓又说是皇牌组合wo)。这次，雪荔真是进步神速，让我们的游戏越来越刺激，越来越有水准(水准是我讲罢了啦)。可是今天我们女生真是越打越high!刺激！近球，远球！雪荔开始会追球了！不像以前只站着等球给她打...哈哈！大家的球，比起刚开始的，都明显的凶了很多，速度越来越快，当然不要拿我们跟男生比啦...他们的力度哪里可跟我们相提并论？可是真的进步了！结果大家都要更敏锐，反应要更快！大家似乎都会使计“玩球”了...时前时后...反正今天真的是好玩！原来我们都能像男生们，把球打到脱毛，打烂~下次那粒球已不能用了~可是，以后诗晴走了我们就少一个玩伴，对手了...谁是我们下个训练目标呢？哈哈讲到好像很pro酱，可是还是很期待...I love badminton!!其实真的非笔墨所能形容...好奇？羡慕的话，自己来亲自体验吧...等你们！！哈哈
Written on Monday, April 16, 2007 by peacefreezer-pik yee
怎么最近身边的人似乎都很有压力的感觉...还是，那只是粗心大意的我没有以前一直没有察觉？不管是朋友也好甚至是老师都好。今天，XXX老师(不方便透露)有一节没有上到来...第二节上到来...看他有点不大对劲...看得出，她在压抑自己的情绪，不想在我们面前爆发...一边说自己很生气的同时，一边要压抑着不能爆发...原来上一节她尝试让自己心情平伏，可是怎么都平伏不了...那种要发脾气，可是又不能发，唯有死忍的感觉真的不好受，这个我知道...看得出，她很无奈...要发泄却没有管道...可是诸事八卦的我们哪里可能置之不理？当然会打破砂锅问到底...看到他酱大家都好奇，也很关心，因为真的不是开玩笑的...
结果，工作压力罗！！之前已听说他的工作负荷加重了很多...试想想，一个老师，一个人要教4级的课程...还要都是考试班级...初三，高二，先修联一和二...单是备课加批改作业已经够你“摊”了...还要是联课处，一个下课全都挤满人，主席，学会负责人的地方，一个等着处理全校各个大小学会事宜的地方...下课？是他们最忙的时间的老师...已听他说自己看电视的时间都没有了...今天，还接到这个消息，是我的话，我老早就疯了！！什么消息？即将来临的考试(年中考)的考卷，都由她负责,看好噢！！看好噢！！是4份！！先修的肯定是她一定要独立包办的啦，这里就要两份了！)发神经！！哪个是主任啊？！没有脑啊？其他老师死了？！酱劲你来做看...理由？因为近来太多老师离校了，然后较有“份量”，年历(在中华教学的日子)较长的只有他和另一个老师了...可怜！！！其他的老师，你们干嘛跑得那么快？留下酱多东西给其他老师...可怜的老师们...到底什么问题？为何酱多老师拍拍屁股离去？
听着他说(其实他不想在我们面前爆发，可是他已没有别的管道了，加上我们叫他发泄出来酱...),可以体会他的情绪...看着他讲的时候，眼睛其实有点红了，可是还要忍着不能哭...可是，抒发了也好...后来她也叫平伏了...然后？还可以继续上课...当然这一切都是机密，不能泄漏出去...否则麻烦会临到她身上...识do的我们当然不会暴大锅...
后来的一节，再度进我们班，似乎好多了...联课的当然会保他，而她应该也会见见最大的科学主任，mr涂...希望她会找到最好的解决方针...
老师，今晚你就好好睡一觉，“放纵”一次吧...你该休息下了
而我...希望也能很快恢复元气，恢复最佳状态...可是坦白说，最近真的超懒散，懒死！想下...明天要交数学小考(平测)考卷...星期三又有另一个数学平测...the actual MUET,good problem is on next saturday,28april,现在？书都还没碰...加油.....................
Written on Sunday, April 15, 2007 by peacefreezer-pik yee
如果
从来没有出现
如果
你从来没有想过我
如果
从来不认识
如果
不知道真想
或许不会再挣扎
如果
不是我
应该没那么伤心
如果
如果
可是如果没有你...
我的今天
在哪里
曾许下的承诺
已不敢确定
它的存在
诺言
是否依然捉的紧
手渐渐握不紧...
想放手的
似乎
不是你...
心好像不在这里
到底去了那里
好像开始玩躲避
捉住？放弃？
哪个是我声音
真的没有力气
试过
逼着自己
似乎还是找不到你
你若存在
可否给我一口气
重新活过 重新站起
找到心跳
找到自己
找到信心
找到勇气
其实
真的害怕跌倒
dunno wat is it...but then since i hv typed...post la...dun waste it
Written on Sunday, April 15, 2007 by peacefreezer-pik yee
好一段日子没像今天一样，唱歌唱的那么爽...也是自己蛮满意的^^近期不知为何，觉得声音怪怪的，不是偏高，就是偏低，再不就是漂浮，起伏不定...唱的很不爽...自从离开合唱团后，好久没有正式唱歌了...太久没有像以前酱每天唱一段时间。或许就因为酱，声音没有开...卡住，出不来...如果家里有mtv，现在一定给我唱暴机。
刚刚听了今天得绝对superstar，很明显的，这次的男生不大好...kyan还在的话应该会刺激点，至少有的fight下，不想现在，除了wee...其余两个就象配角，完全被比下去了...但nick的最后离开前的一首歌确实比他比赛时所唱的好多了...突然想...哎呀...进决赛的是他该会好点点吧...哈哈...erm?怎么扯到这里了？对，wee唱了我爱听的歌！<<深情密码>>的主题歌！！<<静静的>>。一部我喜欢的，感人肺腑的连续剧！(对我而言啦)边听边唱！好过瘾！感动！(不知是他唱的感动还是我唱的太投入...)这次比赛真的听得很爽，因为几乎是我爱听得歌，自然就跟着唱到很爽...
[color=red]最近爱听的(this week):
1.melodi (malay+chinese)林宇中
2。旋律(melodi chinese)
3。捉迷藏
4。when you believe~ whitney houston+maria carrey(终於找到你了！！)[/color]
好歌哪只酱少？写不完罢了...
*今天总算为自己的报纸找到栖息地！房间好看了点点...心情好了点点...可是还是很乱啊~晕
Written on Saturday, April 14, 2007 by peacefreezer-pik yee
原本我的化学应该是在下午2。20pm的。可，今天要配眼镜(实在太花了，挡住视线)，加上下个月开始应该也是要换到星期三去补化学的啦~所以，原本打算今天补早上10。40m的，顺便看看这老师教到哪里...看看我能不能适应他的教学方法...可是，今天迟了点点起床，走到半路，才发现自己忘了带补习费，今天最迟了，逼不得已，一定要倒回头...原本应该可以刚刚好赶到的，但所搭的巴士实在太空，司机又停一下车等客罗...加上自己突然又情绪化...很想不要补习...到了pj street已经10.50+am了...忧郁了几下...决定...ponteng...
一个人，毫无目的的在街上走着...周围的人来来往往，逛街的逛街，干活的干活...只有我这条死白痴在街上失了灵魂的“活人”在走着...看着别人...我的时间就像停止了...我从来很少有这种机会走着...很想停下，可是周围不断川行的人，让我继续漫无目的的走着...因为害怕别人投以怪异的目光...突然觉得，怎么跟我的人生好像一样啊？我失去了方向，目的，找不到自己存在的理由，也不知自己该做什么，该往哪里去...对於手上的事，责任，一切...我都有放弃的感觉,很想很想放手，松开一切，置之不理，逃跑是我想做的....我想放弃了，真的...一切...不想继续下去了...可是...就象今天的我一样，所以还是漫无目的的撞来撞去，不知为的是什么...
后来，在hiro comic n video shop待了一会儿...erm...蛮便宜的...后来，放了书包，找了个风水位，继续逃下去...星马内的uncle john coffee hse...白咖啡+西多司...我的脑里始终空白...或许在转着牛角尖吧...其实，所有的食物对我来说，并没有太大分别...因为我根本不会辨认哪家好吃，除了超难吃的以外...否则，一切对我而言根本就是一样！只是想给自己一些空间，给自己一个新尝试...坦白说，西多司听得多了...可是，今天我才知道那时什么...失败吧？十九岁了~我知道的少之又少...别人在相同年龄经历过的...恐怕很多我都没有经历过...要踏入二字辈了，突然发现自己“老了”可是真的太多太多东西我并没有真正经历过...懂的东西，太少太少...生活上，我什么都不会...我的生活只有“闷”，“呆板”来形容...对於爸爸的不放心，有时真的不知是幸运或不幸！我们实在太依赖，太受保护了...其实我老早就受不了了...我知道他是关心我们的安危，可是关心的太过火了！记得去年tarc开放日，约好了朋友一起参观...谁知他硬要我妈陪我...我推了很久...他的原因是“你还不会搭车”...拜托！！！18岁了！！你几时才肯放手让我去？况且那时只不过是lrt罢了...结果，最后幸好我妈让我去...曾经，爸也不让我单独搭ktm...他的理由还是一样“你太小了”...还要说些东西吓唬我...“你第一次搭，别人很容易看出来的，不自然，怕别人会...”当时我一定极力反抗啊...反问他...那我长大的标准是什么？“等你做工吧！”“天？等我做工第一天才学搭车？那第一次还不是会好像你说得显得不自然吗？”我反问...虽然后来放宽了点，还是有独自搭车的时候...去年开始，可以跟朋友出去一下下，可是每次问他的允许时，他总会皱眉...作出深思，最后才勉强的说出“ok"...坦白说，很扫兴...昨天，原本我想自己学怎样从kl搭巴士到sg wang...结果不用问都知道啦！还要多附一句 “最近那个余人生那里整天有人打抢...”拜托！！！“如果真是要遇上的东西，你怎躲也躲不了...酱所有人永远都不用出门罗"是我回的话
爸，我知道你担心我们，可是...haiz...arghhhh!!!
拉回来吧....就这样独自一个人...在coffee shop，后来再赶回去补习...结束了短暂潜逃的旅程...下个月开始，恐怕，一切机会都没有了，实在忙了...
晚上去验眼睛...度数还好没有加太多，近视好像没加，闪光各加25度酱...我的左眼的nerves 还是有点弱，就象上次看医生时酱...我验那只眼睛较麻烦，因为我那只眼睛偶尔会sense不到，可能一时这片镜子可以，后来却又蒙了...分辨不出那个镜子较好，也因为酱...上次搞到要见眼科医生，要滴眼药水，好让nerves强一点，稳定点再验...后来，验光师说等几年酱，会好的...验光师还说，我这现在副眼镜也是做到有点问题的...跟眼科医生验给我的度数也不对，眼睛的focus point也不对...天！！我记得上次的医生有说过”因为你长期配的眼镜不太对，所以才会弄到眼睛的神经变弱“...huh?want like that meh?我的眼睛...haiz...算
过后就跟老爸和老弟闲逛酱罗...跟他们嘛，当然没那么...跟妈约好吃饭，吃饱后再走过...这轮跟我们的”逛街天后“更加...我当然有假假酱，讲我也想自己走将...结果我当然预料到...打蛇随棍上！ “爸，你到底几时才让我自己一个逛？”... "等你做工先"...后来，有点忍不住了，略略发了牢骚，自己的想法，他当然假装听不到...可是，我真的很希望你听进去了....
Written on Thursday, April 12, 2007 by peacefreezer-pik yee
怎么搞的？！！！那天晚上试了好几次，晚上时分，手机sot sot下，又开到了...一下子有开不到了...开到，开不到，开到，开不到...还真想把它丢掉！！烦死了！！
今天，神奇的，什么毛病都没有了...反复开关，把电池拆下，重装，再拆再装...似乎完全痊愈了~我该开心还是伤心？！说真的，有点烦...我不知哪天它又会发神经！！万一无缘无故在我要用电话时，突然休克或再度暴毙怎办？再观察几天....sien...
Written on Wednesday, April 11, 2007 by peacefreezer-pik yee
太伤心了~一大清早，爸爸拍打我的房门叫我起床，起初还有点火，干嘛？我有调闹钟！！谁知一听到他说，“今天很迟了”，看看手表...oh no!看看手机...显示着"TEST MODE"字样...huh?watz tat?到了学校还是酱...现在还是酱...>< 忘了是昨天还是前天，刚告诉我朋友，“你看啦！我的手机一定很快寿终正寝...短短几个星期内就跌了好几轮...至少都有四轮吧...”谁知...arghh！！！这次该如何开口？如果万一真的弄不好了怎办？yor....kembali to oldern days....use no colour one la...i think...i dun really wan such a hp><这次可麻烦了><。。。bad mood...
den a...wen i change my sim card to my mum's...i found that i've lost part of my contact number....it saved in my old hp automatically ...i think i din change the setting that is to save in my hp b4 this...gosh~>< cry a...
Written on Monday, April 09, 2007 by peacefreezer-pik yee
this is quite a normal day...however,early in the morning....i really cant stand with her attitude today morning...mayb i'm too...and sensitive...chia wei n I actually started to worry bout our speaking part a bit...early in the morning I tried to ask one of ourclassmates who is hving the same fate juz like us...I asked her whether she wanna pratice as a group since four of us is going to join others as a group...but she looks like a bit unwilling.I asked her how is she going to practice?she said she is looking for the another two exactly partners who are from smk chong hwa....she said she wanna practice with em...hello?!!izit so easy as wat u think?U urself maybe convenient for this since you live near to gombak...ur sisiter is studying there too...but wat bout shie wah,who is another partner of u?she juz shifted to her new rental hse....she is still trying her best to fit the new lifestyle...even till today,she is not so used to the new lifestyle...and yet in this pit of time u wan her to take a bus....transfering bus...all the way long to the place near to your hse juz to practice MUET?moreover,r u sure that another two will do the same thing as wat u wish?hmm...mayb i'm too aggresive...aiks...
another shocking news...we,as the bottom two,last two person may hving our speaking part for juz 2 person in a group....mdm chan told us tat it is possible to happen...if so...oh no!!!another annoying n headache issue....wat can we do for the group discussion a?I asked a question the other ans it and after he ans n ask a question n i ans back non stop for 10 minutes?gosh....it should b really headache manner for me....haha....should i b grateful n said that i'm lucky or juz the other way round?
Written on Monday, April 09, 2007 by peacefreezer-pik yee
昨天晚上不经意的做数学到很夜，没法啦鬼叫我酱的性格，一定要从头，最基本的读起，作起咩？说也奇怪，少有的可以静下来读书(重抄笔记)，而且是在我乱到自己都没眼看的房间...也不知时间了，等我真的很累，走到客厅才赫然发现...什么？！有没有眼花？三点...有酱久？读的不算多列...酱就几个小时？(约11+pm开始)
一早起来，睡不够还会有什么后果？朦朦胧胧，头昏脑胀，真的有点晕...今天是复活节，要做usher的...本来最近就不太有心的我，加上今天的状况，只能说，更够力...结果，迟到是预料中事...要配合大家的时间嘛...到了，我还是整“碌”木站在一旁，也不知该干嘛...灵魂像出了壳...自己都不知自己姓么名么了...只有疲惫二字...明显的，这次的人似乎比圣诞节少了...
讲道和戏剧
其实我这种半睡半清醒的状态下，东西不可能完全进去的...低谷...算是吧？？？
戏剧像往常一样少不了搞笑和严肃的成分..."lydia"你的声音真是...到有一部分，“耶稣”从观众后面被“兵丁”赶，折磨的那幕还真的...真的很想落泪了...可是，强忍...看看这里，上面，地板，拳头都来了，哈哈...试图憋着泪水...到戏剧最后，我知道身边的欣瑜在拭泪...揩着脸上的泪水...而我？还是老样子，死憋着...有一幕，被钉的那幕，钉子的声音...想起一句话...当你再犯错，让神为你伤心时，你就像是亲手在把他钉上去......
把手交给祢...看来我...似乎真的...尝试开口唱诗，首首都那么熟悉...心里的旋律run个不停，可是，嘴...就是动不了，手...也举不起...尝试...始终...若世上的人被分为智者和愚人，恐怕我属后者吧...对祢，抱歉...
Written on Saturday, April 07, 2007 by peacefreezer-pik yee
今天开始补化学了...真的有点累.下个月，应该还要多补一个PA，没办法... lower six 的graf &parlimen去年在TARC没上过...陀~我真的完全没有时间...为什么得空的时候，要补的科目都没有课？！！！我不是铁打的！！不可能从早上9点不间断的不到4点多...我要吃啊...况且...我的拜六就酱的过吗？？？快疯了...不可能，真的不可能，难道拜三要补晚上的？拜四会有精神上课吗？！！！！FRUSTRATED.....今天搭巴士回家时，真的太累了...睡着了...幸好还会下车...回到家...还未开门，又听见妈妈日又开，夜又开的自制的卡带(她自己的歌声)...真的很烦eh，真的很想开炮！！！拜托~你开不是问题，可是平时晚上可以不要开吗？！开了一整天还不够吗？！客厅从来没有静过的时候...不是开自己的卡带，就是开电视...晚上还听着自己的歌声入睡...烦啊！！！！结果，还是忍着...又睡着了...
睡醒了，心情并没有转好！出去吃东西，差点跟家人吵架了...可是还是没有啦...你不是经常很以为的说我摆起尾巴就知道我想做什么的吗？可是，我心里在想什么你真的知道吗？！为什么今天脾气酱坏，你知道吗？人家可以跟爸妈谈心事，可是为什么对我而言好像是件苦差？从小就没有这种习惯...就算有机会，我想我还是做不到，说不出口吧...为什么我搞到好像跟他们很陌生的感觉...曾经，有一次不知什么事好像跟爸说过，可是，觉得他应该是不会给反应吧...我觉得我所说得好像硬棒棒的弹回我的方向来...他说了他的感想后，竟然问我，erm还有什么吗？....酱的反应...爸，突然好想对你说...你有点闷eh...突然脑里空白，不会接了...随风而去吧...
悲...到底课业的问题如何解决？最近看见不少朋友在msn的msg里打着“stressed"的字眼...我真想问，如果你们这样，我算什么呢？
*如果有触动你的怒意，在此谢罪，在下今天心情真的烦透了...脾气太差...气话很多...
*type到一半，竟然不知为何哭了出来...停了好一阵子才接得下去...也好与其压抑着，这样也好，至少现在好一点点了...
Posted in
心情日记,
生活点滴
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Written on Friday, April 06, 2007 by peacefreezer-pik yee
Although I'm a bit tired today,it is a quite peaceful day for me UNTIL WE GOT TO RECIEVE OUR MUET SLIP...At first,we do not know about anything...but later....my sky is full with black clouds...this is the story:
we were told by our teacher that our location for MUET exam is in SMK Chong Hwa,Gombak as previous year...for the speaking part,we r sitting for it on 14Mei2007.we were seperated into two sections...that means sum of us r going to attend the test on the 1st and sum of us is going to sit for the 2nd section...SUDDENLY...there's a voice from a corner..."teacher,y r we who is from the same group get the different section?"HUH?!!!all of us got into silent.....OH NO!!!!R we going to....that wat in our mind....I think...it was the nightmare...later,teacher asked em...."ok,how many of u were in the same group but then in different section?pls raise ur hand"....after counting,there r a group of em where two members r in the 8.00am section and another on the 11.00am section....gosh...all of us hv known wat will happen to us next...we got a big shocked...the whole class started to discuss bout this matter....den our teacher said"erm,last time,the smk chong hwa used to put our sch students name in front of their students name....that means for the previous years,our sch index number is earlier than those who studied in smk chong hwa...but this year,i think they put their students' name first...."GOSH!!!!
*for those who still dunno wat is happening,let me explain here....there is a speaking part in MUET.for this task,4 candidates will be formed in a group.there r two parts for the speaking,whicj=h is part , a individual part.we will recieve our question on that particular day.usually it asked for suggestion/opinion/solution.for the individual part,a suggest/opinion is given to u.u muz think of the points based on the title.there r only 2minutes time for u to think of the points....after 2 minutes,u are required to give your points n elaboration in 2 minutes time individually.after 4 candidates has completed their task respectively...they r given another to minutes to discuss among themselves....after that,10 minutes will b given for the group disscussion.each candidate muz voice out their opinion...they can agree/disagree/giving reasons...etc...at last they muz come out with a conclusion on the topic after the discussion.
*there r 20 of us in the class...so initially,we think that we r safe n will not be seperated....we might b in the same group with high possibiliity.however,looks like our dream had been crashed...after knowing this situation....that means now.....the first two candidates will join the other candidates from different sch and the last two candidates will hv the same fate too....and "luckily"...I am one of the last two candidates in our class since my surname starts with an "W"....gosh....initially,it is not a problem for me....but later....><....my heart sink to the bottom of the sea...I am the candidate C in my practice wic i think it is the safer place....but now,I had become the candidate A,the 1st person to start...I'm going to cry out loud!!!!AAA!!!y like that?I'm afraid for my individual part now!!!ok,if i weren't the 1st person to start,I will have a bit more time to think bout my point...and i might able to "steal"sum ideas from them who had speak out their points...or mayb in their speaking in the individual part,they will remind me bout sth that i had missed out....but then,looks like it had bcome sth impossible for me....to form a group with other ppl from different sch shudn't b a big problem for me....I'm not too worry bout my group discussion that much too...but....the individual part really ....gosh....
now,i only hope that my choice will b the most easiest point to elaborate...that's wat i hope for now....I hope my dream will cum true
*by the time my fren n I turned over....a fren of us started shedding tears...hey!!!gosh...wat r u doin?aiks...although it seems to b a cruel reality ....it doesnt come to the point that we need to cry...izit?v r facing the same situation too....futhermore,it had bcome a reality wic will not ever change...it is juz waste of energy to cry for it....haiz...by the time...she left the sch...her tears still shedding w/o fail...honestly...a bit cant stand with this type of attitude...but really pity of her...eyes got swollen...hope that u'll raise up n face the reality bravely ,fren...all the best to u n me n everyone
Posted in
中学生活,
心情日记
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Written on Wednesday, April 04, 2007 by peacefreezer-pik yee
今天一大早原定我们这组自己练习MUET speaking的...可是后来大家谈谈下就扯到了我们班的老师...原来大家都不太懂玉丽姐的数学在讲什么...建翰哥的paper1教的很快...盈盈姐的physical chem其实不太好，容易给我们弄乱...可是很有心教书...pa2颜秀珠的音调平平，音量太大...etc...课业的事情...
没有人知道正在整理笔记的我...心都沉了...太多东西，概念我还是搞不清...弄不懂...太多以前学了的东西我怎么都回想不起来，想失忆一样...全都要重新来过，完全没有印象...补习的时间往往跟正课相冲...时间都不对...只有星期六，可是我不可能连续non stop的补啊...weekdays晚上，隔天还要上课...而且回到家已经很迟了...暗地里，自己开始抓狂了...开始有点急躁，排笔记时都有点不耐烦了...
后来，我借故走出了课室(丢一丢垃圾)...站在走廊，看着天空，天还是很蓝...周围一片寂静(因为全世界，除了我班外都在进行小考)...我有点想哭得感觉...可是始终把它压了下来...很想开口跟神说话,告诉一切...很想在他面前哭泣...可是，我怎么都说不出口...只觉得很弱...结果什么都没说，又走回去了...我就是这种人...压抑情绪的人...如果可以的话，其实我还真想找个地方大喊大叫...可是...就是没有...很想开口祷告...一件我不再常做的事...往往都是实在太太太忍不住...或是被指名去做时才逼出来的事...可是即使开口都是有气无力...气若浮虚的...有时自己都听不见自己的声音...
对於学业...我其实开始有许多想法，想到自己可做的事，可是可能太懒了...根本没做到...加上之前的笔记之前没排好，东一张，西一张的，看到都烦...习题才开始作就不断碰壁，看了都“显”...怎么做得下去？烦啊！！怎办？
明天清明节假期...我有办发理清所有的纸张，笔记吗？真是“纸劫”啊....
22:45
此刻的我有点有点难过...刚获知其中一位朋友要离开了...虽然早已知道她会到新加坡的polytechnic念护士课程...可是并不晓得她酱快要走了...四月10日....大概一星期吧...我们是在高一认识的...说起来，跟她并不算太熟太熟...尤其因为去年不同班...可是大家也一起玩过，一起分忧过...一起开心过...虽然时间久了...有点不太熟了...可是真的有不舍的感觉...刚知道我也吓了跳...怎么那么快？但人各有志...你就勇敢的飞出去吧...在此祝你前程无量(虽老套了点)，一路顺风...我们会很想念很想念你的...莉恩
23.17
after looking at those photo....suddenly upset...emotional creature...feel like alone n lonely....theres a gap day by day btw me n my old frens in 2ndary last time...i felt that the gap is clearer n clearer...deeper n deeper...sumtimes i'm not with em in their meeting....firstly may b it's coz by my scheldule in sch....2ndly may b is caused by usually i'm not able to attend due to i cant get d permission from my father....><...that was not the thing i wan...how i wish i cud go out like with my frens...my wish since form 1...but year after year....dissappointment followed me...it juz bcum impossible for me.....later....i started to bcum not willing to fight for the permission...i think i was "numb" since i'm so used to the ans"NO"... sumtimes i really irritated...dunno wat to do....i knew that he cares for us a lot....but sumtimes i really cant stand w his ways....LONELY.....I'm....i've nobody.....day by day....really feeling lonely...who shalli talk to?i had never ever share my feelings to a fren(usually)....to my fren in sch....sorry coz sum part of it....u may not able to help me....so i din tell....but i'm sumone who used to "hide" myself.....sumtimes even myself personally ,i dunno watz happening....for u who r looking at me...both frens n relative...i really nid sum commemnts....i dun really understand myself....but i really hope that u all will give me sum commemnt and act as my mirror to reflect myself to me....mayb ur words might not correct fully...but at least i hv sum reference.....how i hope so....but den again....it is hard....for everywhere that i go...i'm in a rush...not much time for me to talk....sumtimes...i keep silence n not to talk coz i reall dunno what to talk...wat topic to start....actually to keep quiet is sumthing very hard....how i wish the ffrens around me wil start a topic...haiz....被动is that bad...u might as me....y din i poured out everything deep in my heart?sumtimes...wen i got the "feeling"....everyone seems like very busy...or wen everyone looks happy...u wan me to showed the face of ....?dunno wat to do....den i'm that kind of used to逃避... persueing myself....pretend like nth is happening.... wen it burst out....actually everthing was not solved...............h..a..i...z...
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心情日记
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Written on Tuesday, April 03, 2007 by peacefreezer-pik yee
今天没什么特别，只是很奇怪...今天打球怎么好像特别多汗的？才打了一节，上衣就湿了...要换衣时，发现连裤子都湿了。不换不行...真奇怪，今天没打得特别起劲，也没有觉得很累...没有“操劳过渡”啊...奇怪...
今天做班服的厂家来了...班服事宜总算告一段落...设计图的颜色改了...就是以前青色的地方转红了，黄色的地方转白...换句话说，现在就是黑白两色啦...红色为底色啊...现在看还不错，希望成品不会和设计图1有太大出入，否则就是白忙一场...我一定宰掉他...哈哈...终於松了口气...丢下了这包袱...得空的话再把latest的图post上
Posted in
中学生活,
心情日记
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Written on Monday, April 02, 2007 by peacefreezer-pik yee
recently really moody....too lazy during my weekend...except go for tuition on saturday i had done nth...i realise that i really in a rush if i really wan2 do well in stpm....actually there r lots of things wic i can do...exercise for every chapter la....pa n muet looking for the topics la....actually there r really endless job if i really put my effort....however,i cant look for my heart at home....i could hardly take a book n read it seriously....all i can do is juz look at s few sentences and then close the book...i'm the kind of easily addicted by the surroundings....i muz hv a silent place to read....that wud truely b my weakness...
but den in sch....i noe wat i shud do.....therefore if i had time i'll juz bring my book to library....eventhough i still cant really realyy read it concentratedly....however,at least i can hv a quiet place to study...better than none.....but....wat i wanna say is....my dear fren....i'm happy that u treat me as a fren even v only got to noe each another at the beginning of the year...really....but den....i was really easily affected...this is the only chance for me to study seriously><...otou sumtimes u try to tell me bout the news on that day....sumtimes u can even xplain sth that i dun understand to me....i really appreciate...but den i feel a bit unease n might lost my concentration again....although i shall b trained to study,not affected by the surrounding...but now i'm really weak n i'm not able to face it....4give me....plz giv me a place to study personaly...><
i'm still w...e...a...k.....
anyone can help me?
i feel like dry n dying....
how i wish i can juz lay there n not move for a week...
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Written on Sunday, April 01, 2007 by peacefreezer-pik yee
it's april fool today...i recieved a special msg state that"cal me urgently.A bad news abt u"...haha~luckily I'm sumone who is very careful n intelligent.....there is "treasure"behind....wakaka wic states that"r u shocked?4ward 2ur frens n c hw many 2pid dun read the msg fully"...wakaka...i dunwan my hp to b爆机so i only send to 4ppl....2sec after my I sent....a call is there....oh gosh....i din mean to fool u.....actually i'm juz trying to send sth funny(funny msg)to u as wat we agree to do so b4....haha
i try to stop it today...i really tired of it...cant do it well n yet as wat i hv expected it wasnt a smooth procedure...i hv to look4 another person in charge....haiz....y izit so difficult to stop sth?gosh.....can let me go ma? y everyone seems to noe that what's my situation now?asking me how am i goin on...if i really noe n noe wat to do....i hv cum out since long time ago....can i stop????let me go....l...e...t...m...e...g...o...
i do not mean to let anyone worry bout me leh....
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心情日记
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Written on Sunday, April 01, 2007 by peacefreezer-pik yee
easter day cell group.....it's unexpectedly this time my brother easily promised me to attend....and another unexpectedly,my father permitted too even when my mum said "this year is ur pmr n uec year o",my father said "it's not evrything to hv test....study is 4 knowledge,not for tests".we played games n had movie...the movie actually my mum had bought it...and i the "explorer"had finished it long time ago...but it's gud too....my bro can hv this chance to watch it...however,he's still VERY VERY VERY shy...that he din even giv any responds wen karen jie n kevin go or other ppl ask him sum question....lol...wat to do?although the film doesnt really gud....n the actors' act r not so natural too.....but den the msg is still there....v still touched by it,....however i think everyone is shy....including me....i dare not to cry in front of so many ppl....wahaha....my bro still hv not much respond till the end of the cellgroup...mayb he's really too shy...he's sumone who cares a lot on how others looking at him...he's very shy too....but i believe he recieve sth....i think so n i hope so
when we reach ktm...gosh!!!it was late!!!the ticket counter was closed as wat i've expected....we nid to buy ticket from the machine....however....nite mare cum....one of the machines were totally not functioning while the other one ONLY RECIEVE COINS....the paper money couldnt b used since it was stucked i think.....oh no.....3 ppl....wic costs rm7.50....how can i get so many coins?ther wasnt any workers left....all the passanger were lack of syiling too....at last i've to call 4 help....i called kim hong who lived near there....she was not at home but she informed her bro to look 4 syiling for us....finally we got the coins.....really thankful....thx kim hong n ur bro for the help...in my mind,if we really couldnt find any coins,i've decided to take the ktm w/o ticket....mayb when we reach there only we pay....but then gratefully,we got the coins from kim hong's bro....thx a lot....but then the ktm timing is truely poor....at last we reach sentul at 1200am.....haiz....
sorry i didnt mean to do that...but i dun even hv a proper relationship with God....i dun even able to find my heart back now....how am i qualified to go 4 the "training"?as wat i said...let me sink to the bottom ba....mayb i'll rise up sumday if i hv the chance n is permitted....pls giv me sumtime....i afraid that ....haha...not worthy la....i didnt mean to hurt anyone.....didnt mean to make anyone of u worry bout me....sorry....giv me sumtime ba.....